vivant cadavre.

it was at your funeral
that i realized that you
had been here all along,
and you would never leave.
the sky bled little suns
when i looked into your eyes.
the day you died,
i knew the secrets
of the earth.
the ceremony,
an abandoned building
compared to your smile.
the planets aligned
when they spoke your name.
perfect in life,
in death, the same.

i've lost touch with the secrets.
and further, lost touch with the earth.
i forgot what you taste like.
i forgot just how raw life can be.
you lost touch from inside the casket.
i've got a question,
but i just can't ask it.
all these dirty little secrets
i keep locked away.
you set me on fire,
such a pretty little liar.
did you ever believe them?


i lied about those songs i sang.
you didn't.
i lied about "the new one."
you never knew.
i lied about what i think.
and further, what i feel.
you were valiantly honest.
what if i can't trust myself?
i put you in your grave,
i laid you down to rest.
such ugly words claw
at even the best.
you can't say i didn't try.

and do you remember
the words you spoke?
you spoke so sweetly
just before you left.
you told me to step lightly,
to float when i could.
stop seeing the bad,
and look for the good.
before i perish,
make a name.
how you always knew
i was destined for fame.
you said, "make peace
with those who keep
hate out of their heart."
i'd die to try,
but where do i start?

immortality doesn't let go,
and yesterday will never change.
you're dead, six feet under,
but you're still center stage.

we are not the same.