last chance.

i wasn't sure if you'd
gotten my messages.
i wanted to give it
just one more try.

i miss you, terribly.
you have got to be
the most amazing person
i have ever met.
you are so strong,
amazing,
beautiful,
interesting,
and fun.
i love to look back
and think about how
i had you in the palm
of my hand.
i wish i could have that back.
you are so confident,
no matter what anyone said
about you.
you could control
the world with a snap
of your fingers,
and i was in love with you.
i was in love with the life you had.
actually, i'm still in love with you.

if you were still here,
you would know exactly what to say.
you would know what to do,
and how to handle everything.
you could coach me through
the transition,
and tell me what to say to him.
you would understand
exactly how i feel,
and you would mock me,
but you would also
encourage me.
i think you loved me, too.

i have so many questions for you.
about this person,
and about life.
about where you went,
and if you're ever
coming back.
i'd really like for you to
come back.
i've been treading water
for a while now,
and i need you back.

i'm going back to school soon,
i'd love to see you there.
i'd love to be back to how we were.
and i have a new crush.
they're pretty great.
i'd love for you to meet them.
i'd love to be back to how we were.

i know that i killed you,
and left you in all black,
but dear old JOSH,
please come back.

we are not the same.