belle&sebastian.

i'm in that moment
when you speak
with the intentions
of saint peter's cross,
and people can only
see the sin.
and so what if
sin was my original
intention,
the fuel to the fire.
so what if i started
so largely,
but i only want to
hold the candle now.
i'll go until i can't go anymore,
but you can't see everything.

there is a wall,
and i'm not a fan
of the time.
what is the time?


i guess that sometimes
it feels like everytime
i try to spread my wings
and throw myself into
the air,
i end up hitting the
ground just a little harder
than the time before.
and then i stay there
and make believe
that you're here
with me.

just give me a moment.

in just a moment,
i'll jump back in like
i never met the ground;
never smelled the earth.
that i never knew the
beauty of that inverted cross.
and after the storm,
i'll realize it was only
just a dream.
the nights have always
pushed up the day,
and i can't really run anymore.


met with the beauty
of the burning suns,
and the cross never hung so high.
watching the birth of
the accident.
in that moment when you
realized that i was happening,
and you couldn't stop it.
no matter how mad he was.
you got to transcend the ocean,
and i got a grain of sand.
and you prayed to that cross,
for humility and grace.
and every day, you ask me
to step back and see the
silver linings.
you never rebounded from it,
and it's my job to do so now.
where are the clouds, sunshine?

i got lost, once.
found myself in something like a forest.
each tree was turned wrong-side-up,
each with a stroke of luck.
i'm running, and i'm out of breath.
the sin is chasing, running after death.
but isn't that what we all do?
run, and run, and run,
chasing the end?
because when was the last
time you slowed down,
and just let go?
i can't do it, either,
and i don't care to try anymore.

i'll hurry to my death.
live fast and die hard.
with the cross of saint peter in hand,
we are not the same.

day 6.

this has been a long time coming,
so just stay with me.
sometimes, you need reflection
to get the words right,
and i get so tired of
getting all the words
wrong.



you
do
not
have
to
over
analyze
every
thing
that
comes
into
your
view
.

and, for the record,
it won't make you
any smarter,
better looking,
or funnier
if you do.
so maybe i like
to play pretend alone,
to hide in my castle,
and find my throne.
it doesn't make me
clueless,
it makes me strong.
because when was the
last time you lit up
and laughed
when everything was
wrong?


so pick petals from flowers,
forget all the hours,
subtract all the cowards,
i'm done.
feel cold, hard metal,
see the ash settle,
find all the rebels,
the gun.



you're just like the jokes you tell.
no one is laughing,
but you're funny as hell.
you'll never have the money to sell.
and i think you saw the moment
i fell.
you're done.

i want you to know,
i enjoyed the show.
watching you grow,
knowing you know.
and this is because of you.




never lie to a liar.
we are not the same.

new shoes?

i had a moment last night.
forgive me for being
sappy, but i
need to set this free.

take a walk in my shoes,
just to see how you could do.
you said all you knew,
let me show you why you are through.
take a step in these sneaks,
listen to the endless creaks.
floorboards in the floors,
listen to them speak.
you've crowned me strong,
but i'am weak.
with this circle of friends,
i've found the leak.
i'll be the freak.

the moon is soft,
malleable as clay,
but don't think i
am one to sway.
fly away.

you'll never touch the crown.

it's a beautiful thing
when someone tells
you that they'll never
leave you.
that they will be there for
you whenever you need them
forever.
that they can carry your burdens,
to lighten the load.
that they are there to help,
and love,
and be.
just for you.


what's better is when they don't have to say anything,
because you already know that.
we are not the same.