the drawing room.

you'll find me now,
in a very different place.
somewhere i never meant to be.
a beautiful little accident
placed me here,
and i guess i'll stay here for a while.
i have no reason to leave,
so i'll stay here for a while.


i can only imagine you've
been here all along.
i think it's safe to say you've
been here all along.
i just haven't been in a state of mind
to notice you...
until now, that is.
and the more i notice you,
the less i really see.
the less i really know.
the less i really care.


this world, my dear,
is full of people who have
been here all along.
just waiting to be seen,
or to be heard.
are you listening?
we just need a little help sometimes,
and you can be the help, now.

a picture is worth a thousand words, they say.
that's a thousand moments of silence.
i don't wish for silence, but it finds me.
i'd love to hear the music,
but it can't always be heard.
you have to feel it first, sometimes.
and sometimes, you have to make your own music.




show me to the piano.
we are not the same.

the copyright.

you know,
you'll find whatever it is
that you're looking for in
the last place you look.


i can only stay if you promise
to teach me something new every day,
and do whatever it takes to make me happy.
the scientist didn't make it easy for us,
but in his defense, he never said he would.
and half the time, i'm lost.
and half the time, i don't even know what to call you.






i have some things i want to say to you.
unfortunately, i don't know all the words.
i pray that i know them one day.
until then...


if you start the fire,
i'll never put out the flames.
and i'll never be able to forget your name.
i'm in love with 181 miles,
but i can never stand the distance.
in the dark, you shine.
in the light, you are mine.
in the north, we say your name.
in my eyes, we play your game.


i could never learn another game,
if you only asked.


you asked me to tell you sweet things
while you slept the night away.
another chance for my words to
just get in the way.


seem to stop my breath.
my head on your chest,
waiting to cave in.
from the bottom of my...
hear your voice again.
could we dim the sun
and wonder where we've been?
maybe you and me.
so kiss me like you did,
my heart stopped beating;
such a softer sin...

in your eyes,
i lost my place.
could stay a while
and I'm melting,
in your eyes.
like my first time
that I caught fire,
just stay with me,
lay with me
now.


this made me think about you,
along with everything else in the world,
but this in particular brought you back.
i hope you hear what i did.


goodnight,
and sweet dreams.
we are not the same.

the electric.

everything is falling,
and i am included in that.
and i know about all the negative
we attach to that word,
but i promise you that i mean
it in the best and brightest
light.


just because everything can fall,
doesn't mean that all must hit
the floor.
it's just that everyone conspires,
and i wonder what you do it for.


they said a lot when they said,
"the world was built for two."
it doesn't feel a thing like falling.
some days, i swear that
i'm scared.


take off your colors.
who are you wearing them for?


so we'll take the falling,
forget the lights,
and drive around for the longest nights.
let's lose the time,
find all the lost,
find the knot in st. peter's cross.
we'll just look for you.
for you, and you alone.
we'll call it a comeback,
coming back for nothing new.




i don't mind what you do
when you're alone.
i don't care for the classes you attend.
i've got all these rules,
and i beg them all to bend.
i look up to you,
control without caution.
if nothing else,
i'll take comfort in knowing
that you exist.
and if i ever found a way out,
i swear i'd get lost in you.
lose myself in the fog,
lose myself in your eyes.
it doesn't feel a thing like falling.


i'd have to call this the
easiest conspiracy
i've ever met,
so explain this all to me.
tell me all your secrets,
tell me all your lies.
tell that you'll never make me cry.
tell me that i'm going to live,
and that you'll never die.
i'll hide my doubts in the dirt,
and you, all in the sky.


i'm holding on to tomorrow,
and it doesn't feel a thing like falling.
tell me all the things you want to do.
for you. for you. it's all for you.
if you didn't know then,
baby now you do.


and then you said a little more about your dreams,
like that was my call.


my, that's some dream.
we are not the same.

the lost.

all those dirty words you said,
you used them to make your bed.

a day like this makes you wonder
how someone so innocent
can have so much taken from them,
and you feel a little worse inside.
why one and not the other?
"any other," you swear.


that time you did that thing
that no one knows about.
times like these bring
your focus home,
and you want to scream
so loud.
you'll be quiet, instead.

makes you wonder why you're still
               breathing.
what makes you so fucking special?
makes you think about all you've lost.
makes you imagine all the things you
lost that you haven't even realized
you've lost yet.
just what all did you lose today?


88 keys and a smile, gone.
a cigarette never looked so beautiful,
for so many reasons you'll never understand.
bad handwriting you'll never forget,
and you're lost in all those inside jokes.


and you wonder if, when your time comes,
will you even be worth it?

dreaming won't come easy tonight,
because you'll just lie awake wondering
why it had to be this way
and not some other way.
why did it have to be this way?


you wish they could understand what you've been through.
you wish they could understand that things will get better.
you wish they knew all that they've lost,
and why it had to be this way.
why can't you understand?
you wish they could understand.


you've got a bad feeling about this.




you're tired now,
and you never want to ask another question.
you've been asking for a while now,
and you haven't heard a single answer;
not one reply.
settle, and be still.


all those dirty words i said,
i used them to make my bed.
we are not the same.

telling lies.

Let me be frank.
I can’t remember the last time,
the last time I didn’t have any words to say.
let me turn around,
hindsight 20/20,
and count each and every single star.
how is it even possible
that my mind can be running
so much faster than myself,
and I still can’t make sense of anything?
it’s all slipping away from me,
yet, at the same time,
I have the tightest of grips on the world.

I didn’t ask to play the spy,
and you, the bad guy.
I fell onto my finds,
and looking back,
hindsight 20/20,
I would much rather have not found it.
even in perfection, there are flaws.
even the lions have their claws.

I’m sick with confusion,
filled to the brim with doubt.
I’m not sure where to turn,
I guess I’ll make my way out.

I wish that I could let this go,
just as easily as you made
that turnaround when you
realized I knew something
I wasn’t supposed to know.

Nancy drew should have told me
that solving secrets isn’t nearly
as fun as she managed to make it seem.

When did a lie,
smaller than a grain of sand
or larger than life,
become an acceptable attribute?
I guess 100 angels can dance
on that single grain of sand,
and life is always what you make it.
I guess it would be just so easy
to forget it all;
if only my head were made of paper,
and my ears were made to erase.
if only Gabriel were a satyr,
and I never made it to any base.

Gabriel, where do I go?
can’t you just fly me home?

It’s a chosen against a stranger,
and you can only imagine.
nancy drew never prepared me for this.
I want to be frank,
and I want to learn all the right
things to say to you now.

My head is swimming,
my heart is racing.

Let me be frank.
even the lions have their claws.

We are not the same.

define: home.

welcome home.
i've brought you here
because i was never sure
of where to put you next.
we jumped far,
and i'm not even sure
if all of me stuck that landing.
every day i remember pieces
that i'm almost sure i've
left behind.
and who knows, in 2 weeks,
i may be ready to
leave you behind.
for now, though,
welcome home.


you always mumble
about the past that i'm
not entirely sure we had.
we go back, but we aren't that deep.
in fact, our first time
involved someone
i can't even hear.
now you hold this power,
all this power over me.
like a hole i'm never afraid
of falling into;
like puppet strings
i willingly put my name on.
i'm not even sure
where you heard my name.
i'm not even sure
where you found this game.
welcome home.


welcome home,
and tell me all your lies.
can't we just get them out of the way,
and drop the whole disguise?
i'm tired of sitting here,
watching this 161-mile table turn.
turning circles around everything i know,
and everything i want to know,
and everything i'm never going to know.
i think i've made a mistake,
and after all the jokes i've heard,
i don't know how to undo it.
and, if you'll understand,
i'm not entirely sure i want to.
and, if you'll understand,
welcome home.




no matter where i turn
or which road i take,
i always try to keep tabs
on every other place.
as if i can just turn around
and run home at
any moment.
i'm not sure it's that easy anymore,
as i've commited myself to this asylum
just as you were released.
the question still remains,
would i take it back if i had the chance?
or better yet, are you regretting your release
from this prison with no bars?


what would you do for a second chance?


welcome home,
and don't say his name.
you must be silent,
for he might be listening.
he looks through all the windows,
and he's setting all the fires.
he's hiding in the walls,
and welcome home.


we are not the same.

jjg.

i miss you all the time.
the way you light up
all the venues.
the way you smile
when all is wrong,
and laugh at the 
thought of
raising hell.


i envy your beauty,
regardless of if you try.
i envy your stories,
they stretch from sky to sky.

a happy pill in human form,
and you never fail to bring a storm.
you are a light, and you shine so bright.
i hope that you see that every day.
smart and witty,
a bit of everyone.
when i am the moon,
you are the sun.


i hate this place we are,
but i wouldn't want to be
here with anyone but you.

dear jordan J. gatlin,
i love you.

we are the strangest duo,
and i never would have imagined
we would be such great friends,
but i love you.

i hope that all your dreams come true,
and that i see you every day.
you are one of the best friends i have ever had,
and i love you.

we are not the same.

if i,

"break away,"
she said, "from
all that you know."


i made it, mom.
i'm doing just what you asked.
are you happy now?
i'm, well, i'm not so enthusiastic.
i'm scared, you see, terrified.
terrified of what is to come,
and what i'll have to do
to keep up with this balancing act.


"either laugh it off,
or give them all a show."


maria, i miss you.
i know you're gone for
good reason,
but i can't be in that house
without you.


"with water and sunshine,"
he smirked, "i'm sure
that you will grow."


i'd kill an innocent man,
and chop of a limb
to have my best friend back.
charlye hebert,
you are my rock.
you are my everything.
i miss you more than anything, ever.


"forget all those things
you're sure to never know."


i want to get out of this
town and so far away from the
drama it hurts.
with every fiber of my being,
i want to run away.


"when you count the stars,
you've never felt so low."


i doubt where we stand
every
single
day.
and i think you should know that,
but i don't have the heart to
tell you.


"if i were yours and you were mine,
we shouldn't move too slow."


the amount of control you own
is far too much for understanding.
i'll throw caution to the wind
whenever you tell me to.


"if i were yours and you were mine,
i'd never tell you no."




we are not the same.

the runaways.

the ocean is speaking,
and it's telling me to run home.
my head is leaking,
and they call me the unknown.


"these are the days,"
they said, "that you
will remember for the
rest of your life."
i just can't imagine
they know what they're
talking about
if they've never been here
before.
i can tell you, though,
because i've been here for
a while now,
that i'm ready to not
be here anymore.
and if it's a fall from grace
to take me home,
then i'll brace myself
to fall.




when the sun comes up,
i'll not remember what i said.
in the daylight, i don't get
to speak quite so much.
i send this message across the sea.
i want you to know how strong i'll be.


wherever i go,
i've got a pocket full
of treasures to take
with me.
a hand full of stories,
and an eye full of lies.
i'll never know,
what they think they see
when they look
at me.
all of those glories,
and a legion of spies.
wherever i go.




doctor, doctor.
only you know where i fell.
balancing on a set of scales.
make me come alive,
i'm far too young to die.
i'm lost.






i'm walking away,
as we speak.
i'm walking away
from a lot of things.


do you fear where you are?
we are not the same.

the rebuttal.

this goes out to those who
don't, or can't, believe.
to those that tell me i can't,
and tell me why i'm wrong.
those who tell me that i'm
not enough.

raise your glass to them.



i woke up this morning,
and i didn't want to say a word.
i kept my mouth shut and took
on the day like a man.
my mind is a constantly
turning rolodex of rules
that i force myself to follow,
and i spent so much time
lettering each one.
why is it that it's not enough for you?
i've done some pretty horrible things,
things that you could never understand.
i've pushed myself as hard as i can
to get to where i am today,
and it's been like pushing a brick wall.
can we just be in harmony
for just one short moment?

so go ahead and burn it down.
take another stab.
it's like you do nothing but
pick at my every move.
to taunt and tease and
push me down.
i can't breathe under your thumb.
so go ahead and build it up again.


i'm floating in the middle of the ocean.
i'm balancing on the head of a pin,
and you're just watching.
judging me every time i look down.
go ahead and burn it down.

why do i even bother speaking?
nothing can change your mind.
on second thought,
just sit there and watch.
i hope you enjoy the show.
watching my fall from grace.



i can't remember the last time i felt so lost.
go ahead and burn it down.
we are not the same.

belle&sebastian.

i'm in that moment
when you speak
with the intentions
of saint peter's cross,
and people can only
see the sin.
and so what if
sin was my original
intention,
the fuel to the fire.
so what if i started
so largely,
but i only want to
hold the candle now.
i'll go until i can't go anymore,
but you can't see everything.

there is a wall,
and i'm not a fan
of the time.
what is the time?


i guess that sometimes
it feels like everytime
i try to spread my wings
and throw myself into
the air,
i end up hitting the
ground just a little harder
than the time before.
and then i stay there
and make believe
that you're here
with me.

just give me a moment.

in just a moment,
i'll jump back in like
i never met the ground;
never smelled the earth.
that i never knew the
beauty of that inverted cross.
and after the storm,
i'll realize it was only
just a dream.
the nights have always
pushed up the day,
and i can't really run anymore.


met with the beauty
of the burning suns,
and the cross never hung so high.
watching the birth of
the accident.
in that moment when you
realized that i was happening,
and you couldn't stop it.
no matter how mad he was.
you got to transcend the ocean,
and i got a grain of sand.
and you prayed to that cross,
for humility and grace.
and every day, you ask me
to step back and see the
silver linings.
you never rebounded from it,
and it's my job to do so now.
where are the clouds, sunshine?

i got lost, once.
found myself in something like a forest.
each tree was turned wrong-side-up,
each with a stroke of luck.
i'm running, and i'm out of breath.
the sin is chasing, running after death.
but isn't that what we all do?
run, and run, and run,
chasing the end?
because when was the last
time you slowed down,
and just let go?
i can't do it, either,
and i don't care to try anymore.

i'll hurry to my death.
live fast and die hard.
with the cross of saint peter in hand,
we are not the same.

day 6.

this has been a long time coming,
so just stay with me.
sometimes, you need reflection
to get the words right,
and i get so tired of
getting all the words
wrong.



you
do
not
have
to
over
analyze
every
thing
that
comes
into
your
view
.

and, for the record,
it won't make you
any smarter,
better looking,
or funnier
if you do.
so maybe i like
to play pretend alone,
to hide in my castle,
and find my throne.
it doesn't make me
clueless,
it makes me strong.
because when was the
last time you lit up
and laughed
when everything was
wrong?


so pick petals from flowers,
forget all the hours,
subtract all the cowards,
i'm done.
feel cold, hard metal,
see the ash settle,
find all the rebels,
the gun.



you're just like the jokes you tell.
no one is laughing,
but you're funny as hell.
you'll never have the money to sell.
and i think you saw the moment
i fell.
you're done.

i want you to know,
i enjoyed the show.
watching you grow,
knowing you know.
and this is because of you.




never lie to a liar.
we are not the same.

new shoes?

i had a moment last night.
forgive me for being
sappy, but i
need to set this free.

take a walk in my shoes,
just to see how you could do.
you said all you knew,
let me show you why you are through.
take a step in these sneaks,
listen to the endless creaks.
floorboards in the floors,
listen to them speak.
you've crowned me strong,
but i'am weak.
with this circle of friends,
i've found the leak.
i'll be the freak.

the moon is soft,
malleable as clay,
but don't think i
am one to sway.
fly away.

you'll never touch the crown.

it's a beautiful thing
when someone tells
you that they'll never
leave you.
that they will be there for
you whenever you need them
forever.
that they can carry your burdens,
to lighten the load.
that they are there to help,
and love,
and be.
just for you.


what's better is when they don't have to say anything,
because you already know that.
we are not the same.

saying sorry.

i feel like i'm upside-down.
lost in a world that i
never meant to find.
it's not that i don't want
to be here,
but everything
i touch is turning
cold.

it's just the not knowing
that's getting old.




it's almost like
i want you more when
you push me away.
so put your worries
in my pocket,
and we'll escape.
save your shining
for another day,
but never let yourself
forget my name.
i'll take this with me.

i've always wondered
what your name was.

obviously, life has
a twisted sense of humor,
but that's life.
and obviously,
there's a light that's
brighter than all the rest.
one.two.three.
i'm counting the seconds.

i'm not looking for anything
except another emergency.
because when you dedicate
your life to something,
you expect something.
something in return.
i've got a pistol on my hip,
and a mirror around my neck.
i've got another reason to trip,
and a front row to that wreck.
i've never been so lost
as when i wasn't going
anywhere at all.
i like to stand still,
and let the ground pass.
i've never seen those eyes before,
moving quite that fast.


this town seems colder now,
and i can go nowhere.
vitals, failing, so let
me tell you a story.

we couldn't sleep,
so we stayed awake.
and we ended up
watching the planes
take off.
and we gave each
one a name,
and we dedicated
them to eachother.

if i would have stayed
up with you all night,
then i'd know how
to save a life.

it's just a dream,
and play the piano
for me, just one more time.

we need to talk.
every single day.
we are not the same.

the wolf and the archer.

i want to start by saying
that this is not who i am.
i guess it's not that hard
to make the saint a sinner.
bravo, all the same.


i went walking with
a pack of wolves,
and i said words that
i didn't know i knew.
and the rain fell
from the strawberry skies,
and i just stood there.
looking at you.
from that very first time,
there was nothing i could do.
i could only say more,
and i'm never through.
i'm losing track of what are lies
and what is true.
letting go of something,
for something brand new.

so dance with me, now.
we've been dancing for days,
and i've yet to find a reason to stop.

you've got these wings,
but i'm not sure you want
to fly anymore.
i'm really not sure
what you're looking for.
you have to close the last
to open another door.
i can't step in front
of all the things
you swore,

but that hasn't stopped me yet.





i'm looking at this more as
an intermission.
a bit of innocent fun
between two people
with nothing better to do.
here's your confirmation,
i'm thinking about you.
rest assured, if that was your aim.
aim high, archer.
aim high.





the arrow is up in the air,
so where will it land?
we are not the same.

casi la flor.

and with no loving in my soul,
and no money
in my coat,
i continue to look.
where will i go?


oh, i do this all the time.

in the most unlikely
places, we find
the most wonderful
things.
things we marvel at
for hours and days,
only to find the flaws
in each passing moment,
until we begin to wonder
why we took this artifact
to begin with.
like a flower that turns
back time, until
it's just a bud.
we grow bored and weary,
and we lose faith in our find.

life moves on.


it's funny,
that thing you said.
about being your type,
and being "very good looking."
you really have no idea.
it's funny,
what you did that night,
when no one could see.
it's cute,
what you said that
night when you were drunk.
all those random things
you showed me.
it was scary,
wondering what he
would do to my car
or to my house.
you didn't even care.
i'm good at this game,
and i have a list of names
to prove it.
and, honestly,
what if i wanted
to add your name
to that list?

it's like you know,
but you have no idea.



you attacked my heart,
call it a heart attack.
we are not the same.

the snake, winner.

who was it that said,
"this is the end?"
can i just tell you,
with all the keys of music
that tonight,
tonight is when the world
begins again.
call this beginning,
if you feel you must.

i'm not the one that
you should fear,
but i'll tell you now
that he is here.





this thing meant
everything to me this
morning,
and now it's all i know.
the sun stopped shining,
and the moon followed suit.
so follow suit,
and follow me home.
i can feel you falling,
like the dead drifting
in the inbetween.
your heart beat sounds
like a song they
played at this function
or that one.
you're not alone,
but nobody loves you.

and i'm not the one that broke you,
but i know that one is near.

storybooks aren't just for the young
anymore, but the
young-at-heart.
fall madly asleep
and write me your story,
and tell me your soul.
speak in the tongues of
days gone by,
and  tell me that story again.
search for nothing,
and you'll find all the answers.

if you want to be found,
stand where the seeker seeks.
we are not the same.

hit hard.

do you think it would be possible
to sprout wings and fly away?

do you think that if i ran away
anyone would really miss me?

do you think i could learn to be
someone that i'm not?

do you think that i'll ever pull
myself together?

do you think that i'll find my place
in this world, one day?

do you think it's possible
to MAKE someone fall in
love with you?

do you believe in magic?

do you think it's bad luck
to try and count the stars?

do you think it's possible for me
to always push my luck,
and never fall over the ledge?

do you think juliet really
loved romeo?

do you think that something
pure
can actually last?

do you believe in love at first sight?

do you think i'm worth all the shit
i give you every day?

do you think you'd love me
if you knew the whole truth?

do you think that your
life had no impact on me?

do you think i've lost myself?

do you know why the sky is blue?

do you think our fates are
written in stone?

do you think a sinner
could become a saint?

do you think you'll
ever remember me,
or what happened that night?

who do you think i am?




go ahead,
i'll be your junkie.
we are not the same.