revir.

take that pretty little
face of yours and
throw it on the ground.
you've managed this
castle, king, but i'm here to
bring it down.

welcome to the new world.
sit down and shut up.

to answer your question,
no HE does not.
a figment of your imagination
is just that,
only a figment.
like a room of

smoke
and
mirrors.

i'm all about chasing
dreams,
but you cannot create
a person from thin air,
so i suggest you stop breathing.
you cannot make something from nothing,
and here you stand with nothing.
take it down, brick by brick,
set them aside again.
you're lost, and i can
see it in your eyes;
so easy to read.
i'm not sure about this world
you've found,
sharing nods with
trevor curbo.
take your own advice,
and paddle north.
move ahead, dear.
onward.


i'm disgusted with myself
for even looking,
because my life has moved
so far ahead.
call me ignorant,
color me simple.
i'm sorry, really,
for even starting it,
but you know me, even now,
well enough to know
i just couldn't help myself.


i hope you see this.

onward.
we are not the same.

your world.

i used to sit alone
and wonder how long
it would take to get here,
to get to life.
call this heaven or
call it hell,
but save your breath
when all is right.

life is about one storm
after another,
and i'm not ever
there to see.
i'm too busy searching
for something i could never be.
looking for the angels and
their walls.
praying to someone that
you don't call.

if you think i'm blind,
keep putting those pictures on there.
if you think i'm deaf,
keep saying my name.
if you think i forgot,
remember the story you
told me about your whole world
wanting to be
just
like
me.




and so each time i happen
by your world, i turn my face
into the prettiest form of rage,
and hope they pray to their god.
pray, pray hard.

you want me, or you want to be me.
either way, dear, you're blue with
envy.

because in a world like mine,
you could never live.
there are rules and regulations
you could never follow.
there are secrets
you could never keep.
i should have told you
in the beginning, but i chose
day 23.






and so each time i happen
by your world, i turn my face
into the prettiest form of rage,
and hope they pray to their god.
pray, pray hard.

we are not the same.

call it home.

there goes another cigarette,
gone in the wind.
there goes my inhibitions,
gone in the wind.
there goes my faith,
swept away by something
i can't see.

if i still looked to you
for hope or for strength,
well, i wouldn't get too far.
you don't even know
who you are.
sometimes you have to
create your path,
leave behind a few
broken hearts,
and get somewhere
fast.


i'll have the time
of my life,
and i'll never
fall in love.



a lot of people hate me
for being cruel or for being heartless,
but they would be lying if they
said there wasn't something about
me they wanted.
it's always the same.
sometimes, i kind of hate me, too,
but isn't that life?

there goes yesterday,
gone in the wind.
there goes your face,
gone in the wind.


and when the day comes
that i'm asked to stand up
for what i believe in,
i'll set the world on fire.
feel the heat, close your eyes.
imagine the flames dancing
in the wind, but they aren't
going anywhere.

there goes my heart,
gone in the wind.
we are not the same.

RUN

incompatible.
ugly.
silent.
where am i?


i woke up this morning.
it took me a moment
to find the courage to
open my eyes.


i'm a million miles away.
please, come find me.




who wouldn't kill
for the life i have,
and here i am
ready to give it away.


i used to write,
i used to sleep at night.
now it's just a fight
to get any of it right.
now our lives are changing fast,
and i hope i make something last.
i used to write.


...FOR YOUR LIFE.










i'm lost.
please, come find me.
clip your wings
and follow me home.
we are not the same.

the melody.

it's one of those days.
again, it's one.
as much as i run,
i can't run away
from what's happened
behind me.
always just a step ahead.


tell me i'm not crazy,
because i'm feeling a little
crazy.


i'm looking for the space
inbetween the two;
somewhere to get lost,
somewhere with you.
looking for something new.
something to change,
refuse and renew.
you can have everything,
all that you can see,
but for now, you're stuck
on the moon with
me.




this summer away doesn't
seem so long,
and maybe i,
i was just wrong.
the things that seem
so simple
are suddenly so
out of reach.
it's coming to a slow end,
and here's the new end.


i've visited the graves of
those i've killed,
and maybe they aren't so dead.
she told me to forgive,
and maybe she was right.
maybe it's not that hard.
who knows where the
wind may blow?
throw up your guns,
put up a fight.


that makes 3 of us.


and i know it was a joke,
but as funny as you found
it, there was a
haunting bit of truth to it.
a little ghost or a white elephant
to ruin my sense of humor.
please don't ever say that again.
let's get out of here now,
let's get out of here.


fade away.
we are not the same.

still around.

My body is weak.

It’s never been strong enough

For the dreams I have,

But I’ve never felt it

Quite this strong.

You can sleep tonight,

Knowing it’s alright.

You aren’t here with me,

But you’ve been here

All along.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about all the people who have to live without a parent, or parents at all, and it kills me. There have been days when I thought I’d pull my hair out trying to impress my father, and days I cried my eyes out worrying about what my mother would think about this thing or that. As many hurtful things as I’ve said about the pair, I’m glad to call them my parents. I wouldn’t be here without you.

Mother,

At this point, there isn’t a thing worth speaking about that I haven’t told you. Any time some tragic event happens in my life, you’re the first person I call. I know that you’ll be there with advice, words of wisdom, or to laugh at how not tragic the event actually is. You’re a wonderful old bat, and I could never in a million years thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. All the times I said horrid things about your or acted out, and you still took me back. You have the patience of a saint, and when we actually learned how to have a normal relationship, it was quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to me. You gave me life, and at any moment, I know you’ll be there to help me through any situation. You’re a beautiful woman, and you are so strong. I hope that if I ever make it, I’ll be something like you. Strong and smart and witty. Beautiful and cunning and wonderful. I used to hide every moment of the day, and now I don’t hesitate to tell you exactly what’s going on in my life, and I don’t spare any details (though I probably should). You know exactly how to reel me back in from the deep blue sea, my dear lady daydream. Please never change; never let go of your spirit, and because of you, I’m never letting go of hope. I love you, times a million.

Father,

I’ve spent the last 19 years of my life looking up to you like some idol. Every instance I can remember, I’ve thought, “what would daddy think of this?” you are so strong-willed and stubborn, and you are so just like me. I can’t count how many times I’ve pushed myself past my limits just so you’d be proud of me at the end of the day. I can’t count how many times I’ve felt, I’ve known, that I had let you down. There have been days when I felt I just couldn’t win with you. Like you were some untouchable figure, not to be bothered with my silly life or my silly dreams. I’ve come to a point where I can only hope that you give a shit about all these things I’m doing for you and for you exclusively. Yes, you give me so much, and I’m light-years beyond thankful, but that’s not what I’m working so hard for. I want you to be proud of me, because most days I think you’d rather just have two sons, and I feel like a parasite in your life. Some days I just want you to tell me, “good job.” I love you, daddy. No matter what we may argue about tomorrow, from the Sunday list to my lip ring. Maybe I’m not what you expected me to be, or, worse, maybe I’m not what you wanted, but daddy, this is me. I want you to accept me and love me for it. I dream about the day when we have the relationship that you have with my brothers. Until then, I’ll take third place, and I’ll be happy with it. At least I still medaled, I guess. Bronze is better than none. I love you, daddy. Really, I do.

you guys are the best,

the best thing that's ever

happened to me.

we are not the same.

the drug deal.

i messed up.

no, fuck that.

i've messed up

every time i've had the chance.

every time someone blinks,

i take it too far.

i never meant to hurt anyone.

no, fuck that.

i do this shit on purpose.

i play people like chess pieces,

and i'm getting sick of it.

let me tell you a little secret

about me that you don't know.

for as long as i can remember,

making you fall in love with me

has been as easy as batting

an eyelash.

making you bow at my feet

and do any menial task

has been as simple

as lifting a finger.

making you hand over

your favorite record

and your life savings

has been as empty as

getting dressed.

i can make you say and do

whatever i want; a puppet,

and i'm done with it.

because every time

it comes back on me when

you're standing there

asking me to feel, too.

let me tell you a little secret

about me that you don't know.

my range of emotion is

severely limited.

and each time i've revved my engine,

i've only been left with the hurt

of losing yet another one.

there was no joy of gaining,

no joy of having,

no joy of savoring,

no joy of living.

only the pain of watching

another one walk away.

so let me tell you a little secret

about me that i KNOW you

don't already know.

my name is josh montana, and i'm done.

i refuse to play my games anymore.

you get hurt, and you hurt me.

and if we're both losing

and no one is winning,

where is the game?

my name is josh montana,

and i've missed you.

i'd like to come back,

if you'll have me.

things are going to be different

around here, because Josh and josh,

we are not the same.

88 keys.

i needed a crutch.

i needed a hand,

actually, i needed two.

i needed all 88 keys,

and i needed you.

i needed you to say

that a summer away

was just a summer away,

and we'll catch up

some other day.

the lightning strikes,

and here comes the rain.

just like the one before,

you only know one game.

and when you can't respond

to the easiest question i know,

then i know there must be

some brick wall somewhere

on the other side of the planet.

we've left earth, my dear.

we'll spend our nights in

separate craters,

speaking only to the 

man in the moon.

and here i thought you were

some delicious saviour,

some hell-bent angel,

and you're nothing but a coward.

nothing but a joke and a

receptionist.

so clap your hands

if your working too hard,

and break a sweat,

if you want to think about it.

i have all these secrets that i

need to get off my skull,

and all these smiles that

i want to throw at you.

like a game of catch.

is a game of catch too much

to ask?

but while we're here,

give me the vitals.

tell me where i went wrong,

and when the heartbeat stopped.

it took me 3 weeks to fall,

3 more and you'll never see me again.

a piano with all 88 keys.

defender, defend.

all along i called you

an original work of art,

but tell me, dear, what is

your favourite colour?

you're as fake as your style,

and a cheat with a turned hip.

see you at the lunar eclipse,

with your eyes wide.

i needed all 88 keys,

and i needed you.

we are not the same.

either way.

i wrote this a while back,

and i'm just now posting it.

not to bring it all up again,

but just for you.

she'll be spending her

nights somewhere

north from here,

and i'll count

the stars

over and

over.

...oh, i would give anything.

just to live one day

in those shoes.

the mile-markers seem

to rush by faster and

faster.

hands on the wheel,

foot on the pedal,

eyes on the road,

but where is your mind?

i hate to feel,

eating raw metal,

such a heavy load,

and what did you find?

i'm going back to the start.

so we're counting stars

or counting lions,

i don't remember which,

when we decide to play

pretend.

just lay in the grass and

breathe.

just imagine the archive you've

left me here with.

words, smiles, eyes.

stupid little secret inside things

that mean little to nothing

to anyone else.

then the cold came,

and a tear hit the page.

then the cold came,

and you were gone.

and maybe we won't have dates

for breakfast anymore,

and we'll never sit on that

wall together again.

and you won't be here with

a box of cookie crisp for me to steal,

and we won't be sharing many camels.

and i won't be there to say

the stupid shit that i say,

and you won't be here to

push me up.

and maybe God has a different

plan for you than what i want to see,

but that's just how it has to be.

my dear, SarahBeth,

you'll always be a part of me.

the lions aren't going anywhere,

and neither are the stars.

i see the sun fall through your hair,

and you're not going far.

don't forget about me

when you're out there.

we are not the same.