virtues and the virus.

this whole time i've been preaching
about how the stars,
each single one,
smiles just for you.
about how somewhere
along this road,
the center of gravity
has shifted from
the sun to your heart.
i've come to find
different in my travels
across your mind.
only to find,
let us begin.

i'd love to heal your wounds,
i'd love to love you forever.
i will never be able,
so i will break away.
i never thought this
world was real,
yet here we are.
a wonderland of sorts,
and i am alice.
i'm looking for a sign,
a sign of what i've done.
break away from streetlamps,
and have a little fun.
in this farewell, there's no alibi.
regret from truth, and a thousand lies.
i'm letting myself go,
let us begin.

somewhere in this wilderness,
the monsters live.
let us sail away, and stay here forever.
follow the stars east,
and fall back south.
all of the beauty
you keep in your mouth.
i stare up at the sky,
and the smoke runs free.
i'll never see what
you see in me.
it's so cold, but you know
we belong here.
shout to the sky, wonder.
tell it our names.
you get so quiet for me sometimes.
you get so wild and fire.
i see your face in the fire.
you dance like the fire.
you burn me like the fire.
i'll continue to dance,
and heaven can wait.
how do you ever hope
to enjoy this life
if you spend your nights
sleeping soundly?
bring me my crown,
and bring me your horizons.
bring me your eyes,
let us begin.



i've yet to see you walk ahead,
as if the monsters could catch us.
sometimes i want to be you,
and sometimes i don't want to be king.
sometimes i don't want another fight.

we are destruction, but from the darkness
there is light.

here come the monsters,
here is your gun.
we breathe heavy together,
we are done.

we are not the same.

true love.

build me up.
build me up, tall and strong.
set me on the pedestal,
and anchor me down.
let me scrape the sky,
and bring me the sun.
i'll make peace on your horizon.
i'll give you grace and strength.
a new place for you to breathe.
make me unlike anything you've ever seen before.
i'm nothing like what you've seen before.
i am a king among workers;
a god among men.
i opened my eyes,
and you've opened your heart.

give me windows, let in the light.
give me colors, let in the life.

i never asked anything before,
and how could i?
inanimate, and beautiful.
please, make me beautiful.
the floorplan is mapped.
materials, chosen.
workers present,
construction begins.
allow me to be your realized dream.
a manifestation of impossible proportions.
each room, an angle and aspect
of my character.
each piece of furniture, a feature.
a paradox, but breathtaking.
god, you're breathtaking.

make me a record, for everyone to know.
up-do and out-sell the world.
i want to be everything you want.
i want to be your everything.


so build me up, tall and strong.
right up there where i belong.
and when construction is done, finish me.
fill every room with dynamite,
walk away from me, trigger in hand,
and...


we are not the same.

in the dirt.

i'm lacking in iron, and i'm lacking in love.
but i'm not so silly that i believe
all of this will ever change.
i picked the cover for myself.
i though it fit in well.
prove to me now, you are mythical.
prove to me now, you are cynical.
i've come to despise that look in your eyes.
another language, they speak,
but i know exactly what you say.
with all these motives i can't defend.
i'll take you out, if you bring me in.
cast me out, run far away.
i watched the colors, from white to red.
a new shade of hate with each word you said.
you're hardly a step away.

keep me, keep me.
k e p t m e.
and here you live.
to begin again, or to watch the flames.
i never learned the other names.
you know so much, but you talk so slow.
did you understand when i let you go?
i keep you here, locked away, on this shelf.
a silly toy, not meant for a boy.
counting constellations, you are living.
i've built you this boat, and the monsters are yours.
can you see them on other shores?
you, just a step away.

i've been wondering now,
the gauges of your secrets.
in the dark, you're never done.
in the dark, you are the sun.
back and forth, you roll.
the evening stars smile,
and they only smile for you.
how do you do those things you do?
as much as i ask, keep your world from me.
a plague, and destruct.
a heartstring, and explode.
all of the horrid acts,
and you'll never know.
bring me the horizon, but not yours,
because it's yours, and i'm not.
if i could be yours, but i'm not.
shirts and skins, you always win.
you are so much more than a step for me.



set me free.

we are not the same.

the regulations.

"inside that box," you told me.
it's time to seize the day.
your eyes are jewels, keep them closed.
lift your feet right off the ground.
you've been stuck in that same position,
a statue with a silly face.
you've opened my eyes,
but your mind stays shut.
"towers," you said.
i'm trying to be patient,
watching you slip away.
i'm here to help you
notice the rainbow.
show me the smile you've kept inside,
and where did the rain go?

an old soul, a fresh face.
all of the things i see in you,
i don't see out there.
i'm waiting for you to see them, too.
"just take it," you whispered.
i never thought about reaching the top,
before you showed me the bottom.
you're so young, but my, the aging you've done.
you saw right through every word i said.
you murdered me,
you've set me free.
this game you play for hours,
this life you've yet to live.
i gave you gifts of gold and myrrh.
give me just another word.
all of the things i'll never know,
tell me, where did the rain go?

so, at the end, keep your fingers crossed.
i won't be here much longer,
you can't just come find me here.
you know, i died when they told me.
how am i going to walk ahead
with your voice painting such beautiful pictures?
pictures is all they will ever be.
"change your mind, like i never will," you promised.
all of those silly falsehoods, and you promised.
there is a whole world around you,
and the same goes for me.
i don't want to wait around,
and force you to smile,
but i continue to wait.
wait outside the lines.
you gave me love when
i asked for destruction.
you brought me the sun when
i asked for snow.
i'm begging you now,
where ever did the rain go?


rest assured, i won't ask again.
left over, with nothing to show.
i can tell you, now, where,
exactly, the rain did go.

we are not the same.

instincts.

could it be, i'm the only one?
bring me the hero of your story,
and bring me your gun.
i'll hold it forever,
and you become the air.
fickle and strong,
like you're always there.
the sea, your titan.
the sun, you friend.
i told you the beginning,
but this is the end.
i don't care, i wouldn't dare
to fix the twist in you.
you've been here forever,
but i can see right through.
it's all the same.

you told me to hold on,
and i let go.
every day, i look back and know,
all i can do, is breath you in
while i can.
you have become all i am.
i'm happy, you know.
that tiny seed grew.
i told you i'd smile,
and that's what i'll do.
i wouldn't look at me,
if i could see you.
it's all the same.

i wanted more than compromise,
i wanted to see it in your eyes.
i wanted your word that you were proud,
i've lived these days, living in doubt.
now take me away from all i've known,
give me a chance to show i've grown.
i've been around the world over again,
and now i'm looking for another sin.

so maybe i'm a dreamer;
misunderstood and crazy.
flying by,  and it's getting hazy.
i've never walked alone,
and i've been looking to try.
reaching for something more,
and i almost touch the sky.
i wonder if you watch,
i wonder if you see.
i'm trying to become
what you want me to be.
another breath, and i'm done.
another day under the texas sun.
tell me again, what you saw in may.
tomorrow is more than just another day.
it's all the same.

we are not the same.

run forever.

to and for, b.m.r.
attribute, you.
fake,
and plastic,
and beautiful.
i'm a pretty face,
and that's about as deep as it goes.
this is my gravity,
and i'm handing it to you
on a silver platter.

you are ignorant,
so why aren't you blissful?

i've made my bed,
i know what comes next.
i've got this, little lion man.
stop telling me what you think i should do.
stop telling me what you think.
better yet, stop thinking.
leave my kingdom,
leave my throne.

the moon goes racing by,
and you can run forever.
empty pockets, learn to fly.
they'll catch you now or never.



 i've moved past perfect teeth.
i've moved past the other team.
what makes you think pop culture
would take hold of me?
you won't, for the record.
if only i had a heart.
i don't, for the record.

so, i'll spend my days up in the north hall.
picking petals, and counting your eyelashes.
sailing across the seas in my head,
the ships magnificent.
to've seen, a cataclysm.
pretty little disasters.
aren't i a pretty little disaster?


the clouds have had their say,
and i'll make a bet that we don't
leave this place as friends.
are you comfortable?
you're going to hate me for this.

i'm taking over your shores,
just like the island before.
smothering you, so beg for mercy.
you will catch the work and the blame,
but no one will remember your ugly name.
you're gone, and i am king.
i never wanted your ugly love.
i was always more interested in
you dreams, your nightmares.
i never cared to ask you back.

we are not the same.

dictionary.

keep your foot off
the gas pedal.
you're pushing me
away much too fast.
you take away what
you dream of,
and you go in for the kill.
nature won't stop you,
and the gods never will.
oh, these lights are shining
brighter than i remember.
you shine so brightly, beast.
and in a world when no one
ever talks about deals with
angels, you've made your bed.

how contently you live,
you came here to live.
on the wings of icarus,
you allowed me in.
faith, my friend,
will be your end.
and in the end,
what wonderful words you spoke.
if only they meant something,
those mindless babbles.
if only you ever meant anything.
you see, the equation was wrong
from the beginning.
you left out the pivotal variable.
you forgot that plastic,
easily burned,
is deficient and beautiful.
shiny and immune.
i always have been,
and i can't transition.
it feels so real, doesn't it?
with circumstances as flimsy
as the paper you've written them on,
the blue fairy is dead.

i keep a world behind
brick walls.
i've brought you here,
just to send you away.
these brick walls are where
i can be found,
dancing just beyond their
sanctuaries.
humming melodies of
everything fake and wonderful
inside those bricks.
in the hollow of your hearts,
you keep lead bullets.
i've brought you here,
just to send you away.
i'm in love with you,
but with fingers crossed,
i hope you never know.
take what's yours,
and i'll take mine.
this broken life
is all i ever want to know.
i'm in love with you,
but i hope i never say it to your face.
when the lights go off,
the moon will fade,
and the stars will tell us stories.


bring her your cardboard dreams,
and see her frozen.
i've been here all along,
dreaming with eyes wide open.

we are not the same.

treading water.

i spoke to an old,
wise mermaid.
she gave me coins
and truths.
she made me question
everything i thought,
my whole existence.
she told me i was beautiful,
and that was it.
my tears fell from my
eyes and became one with the sea.
oh, what a fool,
and you have no idea.


each new person,
an impression made.
intricate and unique,
but manipulating.
how much trust can
you place on the ocean floor?
you are an ugly hero,
a majestic beast.
saving me only
to pencil me down.
in this black and white world,
your lead marks and
pencil shavings
make
heads
spin.


i look up at the stars,
hoping you're doing the same.
as far apart as we may be,
i feel closer now.
oh, my angel, how i miss you.

i can talk,
without a remote control,
you know.
i can manage without
an aide.
i may be nothing more
than a hollow shell to you,
but i can scream.
i can destruct.
you gave me eyes,
but my soul came alone.
so maybe i'm not what you wanted,
or what you dreamed about.
i'm not a dream.
maybe you'll never look at
me with eyes that say
wonderful things,
but i don't have to look
at you forever.
you're a bully,
and i'm not your robot.

after swimming with this mermaid,
i'm still lost at sea.
floating mindlessly,
but at least it's mindlessly.
kings and gods,
let me go.
i can follow you no more.
i've played your game
far too long,
and now i've reached the shore.

we are not the same.

getting lost.

i've sent word to them.
telling them the my truths.
i am nothing.
i am destruction.
i am lost.

within the compounds of human nature,
pathetics believe whatever
trash may find its way into
their minds.
when this white noise becomes
what you yearn for, however,
you'll never find your
way back home.
the red rust will creep
into your soul,
locking up your
drive and dreams.
holding you hostage
from this sick reality,
silence from screams.
you said you would change,
you would live,
if you lived.

this bet is beautiful.
betting a ghost
for a lost soul.
you know, you are beautiful,
but i am not.
i've always hated that.
always wanted to prove otherwise,
but where is the proof?



bring me the lights,
i need them to find my way.
this labyrinth is killing me
from the inside out.
where is the way out?
i feel like i've
wandered for days,
and years
in a place that
has no time.
i've been here forever,
and you never tripped.
you are everything i wanted,
and i am everything you wanted,
but you are nothing to me.
you mean nothing to me.
and on your way out,
bring me the lights,
for i am lost.

we are not the same.

new stars.

i once wore a crown of
silver and gold,
but they took it from me.
i once won praise for greatness,
and now i am deceased.
a ghost wandering the earth,
and you can see right through me.
i stand in your face,
and scream my name,
but you gaze just beyond my eyes.
i'm not even there, am i?
i was never even there, was i?
i am destruction,
right where i always have been.
and you never visit home.
what becomes of those
who are suspended just
above the ocean floor?
hovering between stability
and lies.
float between heaven
and hell.
oh, the red you kept from me.
those words, little spiders,
fly away in the wind.
why can't i
fly away in the wind?


where will you be,
when i need you the most?
you've become so numb.
a statue in a world of statues.
i expected so much more
and so much less
at the time.
my mouth won't stop.
tell me to stop.
silence your eyes,
daggers of steel.
give me faith,
so i can feel.
whispering dreams.
two and three.
i'm here for you.
are you here for me?

it's jumanji,
and i cannot quit.
thump.thump.thump.
where is the end of this game?
my soul is lost,
my head is floating.
you never knew, but you could always see.
your knuckles are stained
with the regret you feel,
and my days are numbered at 32.
i hate the speech of the king.
incomprehensible.
bring me the prisoners,
bring me the lions.
i've brought you to
expect the unexpected,
and to want what you hate.
if nothing else at all,
this must be fate.

we are not the same.

at bedtime.

i had something to say,
but i've forgotten
since those days.
i've got you in the palm
of my hands,
like a child's toy,
but i haven't decided
if i want to play your game.
how can i be sure?
i can no longer
tell the differences
between turtles
and bees.
i can no longer
bring myself
to ask.


you're so close,
yet still so distant.
it's hard to believe,
but i've landed on the sun.
i captured a star,
and i'm bringing it back
for you.
oh, the marvels
within your galaxy eyes.
the painter's lashes.
your awkward manners,
and inabilities.
i can't,
and i won't.



brevity, my darling,
shall be your beheading,
and i shall cast the stones.
i've allowed you into my kingdom,
and you sat upon my throne.
i need an answer,
it's do or die.

we are not the same.

hero.

i'll be wearing white,
when i come into your thoughts.
i'll dance my way across
your subconscious,
and dare you to follow me
to the milky way.
a place where the
stars fall like rain,
rolling softly down your face,
and the look on your
face says it all.

show me your kingdom,
show me your crowns.
those trophies you won,
what closet do they
live in now?


my own feet carried me here,
and they'll take me away
from this place again.
i dare you,
set your storybooks aflame.
you are an imperfect.
you are flawed,
but perfectly so.

did i tell you?
i wanted this so bad.
at one point,
this is what i dreamed about.
i wouldn't dare waste a dream
on any of this now.
i've come too far,
and learned far too much.
i'm in love with the idea,
and tell me where to go from here.

i never felt the lag,
the sonic boom.
when you broke the barrier
in space,
or when you stepped
into my life.
i can't help but wonder
if that makes you a lion
or a lamb.
dare me to ask, please.
oh, the inconsistencies.
oh, the motives
behind the crimes.

you love me, dear.
you hate me, devil.
you haunt me, deceased.
you destruct me, darling.
life is fleeting out
from under me,
but i wouldn't dare
ask for an inch of it back.


after all is said,
and the crowd is ready
to leave this spectacle,
i dare to ask myself, once again,
how bad is this going to hurt?


we are not the same.

cosmia.

when i could speak,
it was too late.
all of these colors
falling from my mouth,
when i begged for
black and white.
i know you begged for
black and white.
so just think of me
when you're out there,
and i'll pray on my knees.
how have i become such
a toy to something
i never believed?
and i'm played around every corner.
play your old records,
i want to watch the chords
dance around me.

if you invited me,
i would follow you to the beginning.
i would watch you for hours,
translating the language of your body.
on a winter's day,
when the sun is so telling,
whisper into my ear
so that it may drift out the
other side.
let me drift out of the
other side of this.
i've been looking for the X.
beating X,
how you taunt me.


oh, it was a funny little thing.
with everything in me,
i screamed the names,
yet no sound emerged.
i'm not your ghost anymore.
i may have just half a life,
but i know how to live
happily ever after
better than any fairytale.
i've grown too strong
to sink again to the
ocean floor.
you know,
i found the remnants
of the ships we sailed.
spoke with the mers,
old and wise.
who do you think you are?

when i'm gone,
i'll shine down on you
all the same.
for now,
your face is frozen.
when i take my final walk
down the runway,
don't cry for me.
keep my face this way,
as if it were frozen.

when you talk,
i see your eyelashes.
i imagine them painting pictures
in the air,
ever so saturated.
it's so unlike me,
but from my windows
i see you move.
allow me to meet your maker.
if i spent the night,
i'd lose my mind,
and without the energy to do so,
i can no longer ponder
your beautiful existence,
but what a beautiful existence it is.


with these words of latin
swirling in my head,
i begin to drift away.
please don't hold me here.
let me drift out of the
other side of this.

vox clamantis in deserto.



we are not the same.

time well spent.

your eyes are windows
into your soul,
and your measurements
meant nothing.
your thick black eyeliner,
smudged halfway to your mouth,
is a clue.
those sunglasses,
larger than the world,
are signs of the sick.
tell me what you know
of the sick and beautiful.

i can't remove my eyes from
those red and gold tassles.
oh, it reminds me
of how the bees make honey
in the lion's head.
just behind his
red and gold eyes.


some things never change.
i've photocopied
all those things
you never meant me to see.
counter-productive, are we?
i aim to counter-please,
and conquer.
do join the race.
fall in line, or fall apart.
i want to fly so high,
i want to melt the sky.

let me melt.
let me fall.
let me love.
let me destruct.


i've picked you from the line-up.
motives chosen,
and weapon forged.
i never meant such
brash honor.
i've always wanted
an something
like you.
i've spent too long
under your thumb.
the clouds have had
their say.
bring me the ship
on a silver platter.
let us sail away
on a silver platter.

we are not the same.

sick muse.

all afternoon,
with fates and minds
as malleable as clay.
within this fish tank,
you've no choice
but to come back around.
i've been meaning
to ask why i wonder
about this twisted string.
you had no hand in
placing it where it is.
and the danger, danger
found under our feet.
where do the ends meet?

when i'm done here,
i pray i'm allowed to be remembered.
i hope i'm allowed to take
my dreams and aspirations
and let them go in the wind.
allow my mind to travel
in outer space,
where it belongs every day.
when forever, fame is lost,
i'll be forgotten,
and i'll be done here.
and allow me
to take my leave.
for i'm one, funny thing,
to've seen.
those pearls you keep
can never touch your heart,
but they can save
your life.


i'm changing records,
and changing flights.
i pray the rain doesn't follow.
this beetle shell
has become my hell.
and allow me to take
my leave.
dropping curtains,
i never faked a smile,
but i know what it's like.
i took that burden,
and i loved every moment.
when the tea party allows,
my hat is off to you.
i love you, i do.
and allow me to take
my leave.

i no longer crave
the colors you gave me.
the colors of your eyes.
no creature has saved me.
now i require hatred and
destruction.
cart-carried,
and longing.
this string, twisted as i allow,
haunts my thoughts.
it hides under my pillow,
where i keep your lies.
i've changed,
and allow me to take my leave.

we are not the same.

fire at will.

chasing an
afterglow
of sorts.
i've some things
worth sorting out.
it's not my time,
not my turn.
holding sands of time
in my hands,
but, oh, how it slips
between my fingers.
it's not my time.
i'm not going.
she whispered,
"you know, this could be the end."
it took me a second to get it, too.

i found your warehouse,
full of loose teeth
and broken hearts.
i wasn't impressed.
i trailed off,
trailed away.
i spent a lot of my own
time, trying to make this alright.
to put together this jigsaw puzzle,
and i will take you there.
i told you this.


these trophy eyes,
and trophy lies,
can't be stopped
anymore than you can.
how can you say those things?
i wonder what it's like to be a ghost
as much as i wonder what it's like
to be alive.
and then you said a little more
about your hair,
about your life,
and your girl.
like that was ever my call.
i'm madly in love
with how it all rolls off your tongue.
i knew you before i ever
even knew you,
and i'll wear this on my sleeve.
give me a reason to believe.

she whispered,
"you know, this could be the end."
it took me a second to get it, too.

we are not the same.

jac.

you are the king
of shots in the dark.
you close your eyes anyways.
i never understood that.

a genius is only such because
people are ignorant
of what he
doesn't know.

let your closed eyes do the talking.
with you, i can only see my
blacklight constellations.
i'm calling all non-believers.
i've come to confess my faith.
spend your time well
before you go.
i need ignorance.
i need obliviate.
dear my own brand
of company,
i'm trying to build a wall.
it shall be called fear.
i've learned from the best.

you know, i've been waiting for the fireworks.
for the sun and the snow.
to watch the stars lean,
and i will take you there.
mirrors and mimes.
when weekends bring insight,
i'm locked away in a tower.

i'm locked away in a tower.


in my asylum,
i knew the whole world.
i could speak softly,
where now only destruction flows.
where my creativity lies,
your words are loose cannons.
toy guns to my brain.
pranks of the worst caliber.
this cycle is such a sharp curve.
nobody said this was easy,
it's such a shame for us to part.
nobody said this was easy,
no one ever said it would be this hard.
oh, take me back to the start.
explain to me exactly what happened.
explain to me why i can't remember.

you tell me to step back from this ledge,
but i've made this home.
i've cut the legs off my pants,
went wading in old news.
i found the revolution,
in my own back yard.
in the daylight,
you will have forgotten.
can you remember?

is there something i can't see?
when weekends bring insight,
i'm locked away in a tower.

we are not the same.

the scientist.

i'll keep this short.
for your sake,
and for my own.

i'm not blind.
i can see all the faces
that circle around me,
teasing me like kids on a playground.
so unimpressed it hurts me.
deep inside.
the time has come for
an evaluation of myself.
what has happened,
and what will.
what i want,
and what i need.
those are two very different things,
and it took me a while to understand
that concept.
how silly i can
comprehend difficult
sciences and programs,
but i couldn't grasp that.
i do now, i think.
a weapon for myself.
the first of many,
if i'm lucky.
or unlucky.
i forget which one
is the one i'm after.

i guess that's what happened
to you, too.
i'm going back to the start.
fall in line,
or fall apart.
just bring me with you.


we are not the same.

sb.

a true case of kiss & tell.
lacking the "kiss",
the "tell" not too revealing.
this is a love affair,
or an affair with love.
batting your lashes,
chills down my spine.
how i miss the metal
you kept close to words.
long story short,
i love you.

i cannot understand
where you find all the time
to stand right next to me.
behind me, when necessary.
in front of me, when necessary.
a driving force.
a shield.
what more could i ask for?
in a world full of fake,
you are a lion.
long story short,
i love you.

i can call you friend,
call on you anytime.
ask you for time and squares.
deal!
we've nothing but time ahead,
and i couldn't be more ecstatic.
you're amazing.
you're beautiful, says everyone.
long story short,
i love you.

we are not the same.

for the birds.

this beautiful bird,
multi-colored and beautiful,
in my hands,
i set you free.
i release you
into this world.
i regret to inform you
of all of the ugly that exists.
all the same,
fly away from me.
i cannot hold you anymore.
i will miss the songs
you sang.
i will miss your colors.
oh, you make me feel
so young and alive.
please go.
please go.

sometimes you have
to let go
in order to grow.
this is me letting go.
what would the world
be if everyone knew
to say yes?
this is me saying yes.
laying to rest this frivolity.
goodbye and goodnight.


don't tell me where you hide your heart.
beat. beat. beat.
all your thoughts and lies.
oh, the instincts you keep
inside your yellow beak.
spread your wings of red and green.
learn to fly away from me.
i regret to inform you
that i don't know how.
i will follow you some other day.
with gifts of
silver and gold.
calendar it behind your eyes.

the secrets we've kept in
the rustle of your feathers.
however golden, but stained.
abstain if you can help it.
the sun rises and falls,
but i fear it cannot be duplicated.
as such, this is the last of the fall.

i wish i could speak your language,
the language of the birds.
but i must lay to rest this frivolity.
goodbye and goodnight.


we are not the same.

rainy weather.

okay, i give up.
i'm done.
broken.
at the very bottom,
if ever a bottom was found.
i give up.

this world can be so unforgiving,
and these people can follow suit,
and i give up.


i feel that everything
has been going wrong
for me.
what did i do to deserve this?
where is your god,
if not pushing down on my back?
is it me that needs to change,
or my scenery?
i feel like this rut is consuming me.
i continue to reach, searching for a hand.
please, someone, give me a hand.

this beautiful life i've spoke of
has begun to fade.
the glow is dimming.
it's becoming
and ugly beast-of-a-thing.
the company i've kept
has turned around.
and i need to be found,
before i am lost.
am i lost?

what did i come here for?
i'm beginning to question my motives,
and my ability to do anything.
this knot in my stomach won't go away.
it's telling me not to hold my breath,
because as soon as i know it can't
get any worse,
it will.
i can feel it in my bones,
this rainy weather.
what did i come here for?
and where do i go from here?





i continue to reach, searching for a hand.
please, someone, give me a hand.

we are not the same.

the fox.

your eyes lured me to this corner.
the thought of your voice
brought me here.
the smell of you,
mixed with the
smoke and mirrors,
called my name.
but you aren't here.
you've left me
in this corner alone.
why can't i hate you for that?
it's never been a difficulty before,
and i can't begin to
fathom
why it's so hard for me now.
it must be those cheekbones,
placed perfectly on your face.
or maybe your smile,
laid out perfectly behind your lips.
perhaps it is the exact
temperature of your fingertips.
i've forgotten,
but i'd give all my world
if i could just know again.
i've lost you once before,
in this forest of rhythm,
but i'd give all my world
if i could find you once more.
speak to me the words
you once spoke.
tell me where you've gone.
i stand in this corner,
surrounded by faces
of the unknown,
but i'm alone.
lost out at sea,
my head all over the place.
what magic did you put
inside that glass?
i feel regret creeping
up behind me,
oh so slowly.
i feel the cool wind
on the back of my neck,
then crawling down my
spine like a staircase.
a swift kiss to each of my bones.
what i would do to leave
this corner
you put me in.
this box.
tell me where you are,
and tell me who you're with.
take my hand and tell me anything.
you must forgive me,
for the lack of aces up my sleeve.
you never worried before,
but now that's all you look for.

i can't say that i didn't try.
do me a favor,
and don't reply.

we are not the same.

an angel away.

i never said it.
no, i never spoke.
i didn't come here
with high hopes
of losing myself
in the masses.
i didn't come here
wishing that you would
watch me as i walk by,
i see you watch,
or to have you take
another road
and avoid me altogether.
i didn't come here
to be you,
and i didn't make it
this far
by doing so.

when they pull out the guns,
they're aimed at me.
when the sharks speak,
they speak my name.
when i wake up tomorrow,
i'll open my own eyes.


i wish that a great
could have calculated
the difficulty of taking a
life
and turning it in
to so much more than that.
where are your mathematics
and your sciences?
i want to live for myself
and for an entire generation.
to rise above myself
and learn to see over
my obstacles.

i do not wish to fly,
but i collect these wings.
i do not wish to hurt,
but i am destruction.


when i get back to earth,
i'll be sure to warn them.
tell them to steer clear of texas.
i'll tell them the names
of the ones i loved.
i'll tell them what i've
come to do.
i'll be clear,
when i get back to earth.

if a war were ever to be fought,
it is now.
put on your armor.
get your guns.

we are not the same.

letters.

i want to be clear.
if you were ever
to see into my galaxy,
this is the chance.
it took me a while to
put these words together,
but they will never be
enough.

my name is josh.
i don't eat meat,
by choice.
i'm deficient.
all i ask out of life
is a chance to conquer.
i have a few things to say
to people,
by choice.

to adpi (& wannabe's),
i love you with
everything
i have.
no single person has ever
been there for me as much
as you guys have.
i would give anything
to join your ranks,
but i'm happy i get to
bask in the glow.

to charles,
you are the best.
i never could have
guessed how good you
would have been to me.
you give the greatest advice,
and you judge me when it's necessary.
i look forward to seeing you every day.
thank god for next semester.

to my mother,
i love you.
i never say it enough,
and i apologize.
you are so good at what you do,
and i'm glad i see that now.
i know that whatever problem i have
you'll be there to tell me
it's okay.
please, don't give up on me.
i'll make it one day,
i swear.

to eve & andrew,
i never meant to know you.
i'm happy i do, or did.
if you were inanimate objects,
you would be jetpacks,
propelling me forward.
i can never thank you enough
for the words you spoke.
sorry for ever saying the wrong thing.

and last, but not least.
to charlyemarie,
i love you, bestfriend.
i had you first,
and i intend to have you forever.
what more can be said?


we are not the same.