to fall.

i hate so much the person
that i am.
you can only stretch yourself
so thin over the lakes
of decembers
past.
you can only make so
many promises before
one must be broken.
that's where i fall back,
and i'm gone again.

the cold came,
and the darkest days.
i've got my hands full of goodbye,
but the goodmorning is so sweet.
you are so sweet,
and i go back to december all the time.
oh, what you would give
to see right through me,
and notice all the things
i tuck in my breast pocket.
locked in hallways of
door after door.


imagine the impact.
slow motion,
to the tune of any
of the songs i listen
to when you're mad at me.
"i still remember the look on your face,
lit through the darkness at 1:58.
the words that you whispered,
for just us to know."
you know, i'm not afraid.
i don't worry about death,
or the smell of the rain.
i've got a list of problems,
but i rarely read them over.

i'm not the person i've made
myself out to be.
you knew that already,
but the world should see.
i'm not nearly as lost in
beauty as i flash around.
the handshakes are weak,
and the diamonds are fake.
oh, am i fake.
nothing more than a ken,
nothing more than a doll.



you make me try to breathe.
i hope the sun shines on your face
because you give me hope.
with the bees and the butterflies,
with the secrets and the lies.
all my broken promises are
nails in the post.
a short life,
and a gracious host.
december is gone,
with it, my last words.
waiting for the last dawn,
waiting for the birds.

we are not the same.