treading water.

i spoke to an old,
wise mermaid.
she gave me coins
and truths.
she made me question
everything i thought,
my whole existence.
she told me i was beautiful,
and that was it.
my tears fell from my
eyes and became one with the sea.
oh, what a fool,
and you have no idea.


each new person,
an impression made.
intricate and unique,
but manipulating.
how much trust can
you place on the ocean floor?
you are an ugly hero,
a majestic beast.
saving me only
to pencil me down.
in this black and white world,
your lead marks and
pencil shavings
make
heads
spin.


i look up at the stars,
hoping you're doing the same.
as far apart as we may be,
i feel closer now.
oh, my angel, how i miss you.

i can talk,
without a remote control,
you know.
i can manage without
an aide.
i may be nothing more
than a hollow shell to you,
but i can scream.
i can destruct.
you gave me eyes,
but my soul came alone.
so maybe i'm not what you wanted,
or what you dreamed about.
i'm not a dream.
maybe you'll never look at
me with eyes that say
wonderful things,
but i don't have to look
at you forever.
you're a bully,
and i'm not your robot.

after swimming with this mermaid,
i'm still lost at sea.
floating mindlessly,
but at least it's mindlessly.
kings and gods,
let me go.
i can follow you no more.
i've played your game
far too long,
and now i've reached the shore.

we are not the same.