cosmia.

when i could speak,
it was too late.
all of these colors
falling from my mouth,
when i begged for
black and white.
i know you begged for
black and white.
so just think of me
when you're out there,
and i'll pray on my knees.
how have i become such
a toy to something
i never believed?
and i'm played around every corner.
play your old records,
i want to watch the chords
dance around me.

if you invited me,
i would follow you to the beginning.
i would watch you for hours,
translating the language of your body.
on a winter's day,
when the sun is so telling,
whisper into my ear
so that it may drift out the
other side.
let me drift out of the
other side of this.
i've been looking for the X.
beating X,
how you taunt me.


oh, it was a funny little thing.
with everything in me,
i screamed the names,
yet no sound emerged.
i'm not your ghost anymore.
i may have just half a life,
but i know how to live
happily ever after
better than any fairytale.
i've grown too strong
to sink again to the
ocean floor.
you know,
i found the remnants
of the ships we sailed.
spoke with the mers,
old and wise.
who do you think you are?

when i'm gone,
i'll shine down on you
all the same.
for now,
your face is frozen.
when i take my final walk
down the runway,
don't cry for me.
keep my face this way,
as if it were frozen.

when you talk,
i see your eyelashes.
i imagine them painting pictures
in the air,
ever so saturated.
it's so unlike me,
but from my windows
i see you move.
allow me to meet your maker.
if i spent the night,
i'd lose my mind,
and without the energy to do so,
i can no longer ponder
your beautiful existence,
but what a beautiful existence it is.


with these words of latin
swirling in my head,
i begin to drift away.
please don't hold me here.
let me drift out of the
other side of this.

vox clamantis in deserto.



we are not the same.