the scientist.

i'll keep this short.
for your sake,
and for my own.

i'm not blind.
i can see all the faces
that circle around me,
teasing me like kids on a playground.
so unimpressed it hurts me.
deep inside.
the time has come for
an evaluation of myself.
what has happened,
and what will.
what i want,
and what i need.
those are two very different things,
and it took me a while to understand
that concept.
how silly i can
comprehend difficult
sciences and programs,
but i couldn't grasp that.
i do now, i think.
a weapon for myself.
the first of many,
if i'm lucky.
or unlucky.
i forget which one
is the one i'm after.

i guess that's what happened
to you, too.
i'm going back to the start.
fall in line,
or fall apart.
just bring me with you.


we are not the same.

sb.

a true case of kiss & tell.
lacking the "kiss",
the "tell" not too revealing.
this is a love affair,
or an affair with love.
batting your lashes,
chills down my spine.
how i miss the metal
you kept close to words.
long story short,
i love you.

i cannot understand
where you find all the time
to stand right next to me.
behind me, when necessary.
in front of me, when necessary.
a driving force.
a shield.
what more could i ask for?
in a world full of fake,
you are a lion.
long story short,
i love you.

i can call you friend,
call on you anytime.
ask you for time and squares.
deal!
we've nothing but time ahead,
and i couldn't be more ecstatic.
you're amazing.
you're beautiful, says everyone.
long story short,
i love you.

we are not the same.

for the birds.

this beautiful bird,
multi-colored and beautiful,
in my hands,
i set you free.
i release you
into this world.
i regret to inform you
of all of the ugly that exists.
all the same,
fly away from me.
i cannot hold you anymore.
i will miss the songs
you sang.
i will miss your colors.
oh, you make me feel
so young and alive.
please go.
please go.

sometimes you have
to let go
in order to grow.
this is me letting go.
what would the world
be if everyone knew
to say yes?
this is me saying yes.
laying to rest this frivolity.
goodbye and goodnight.


don't tell me where you hide your heart.
beat. beat. beat.
all your thoughts and lies.
oh, the instincts you keep
inside your yellow beak.
spread your wings of red and green.
learn to fly away from me.
i regret to inform you
that i don't know how.
i will follow you some other day.
with gifts of
silver and gold.
calendar it behind your eyes.

the secrets we've kept in
the rustle of your feathers.
however golden, but stained.
abstain if you can help it.
the sun rises and falls,
but i fear it cannot be duplicated.
as such, this is the last of the fall.

i wish i could speak your language,
the language of the birds.
but i must lay to rest this frivolity.
goodbye and goodnight.


we are not the same.

rainy weather.

okay, i give up.
i'm done.
broken.
at the very bottom,
if ever a bottom was found.
i give up.

this world can be so unforgiving,
and these people can follow suit,
and i give up.


i feel that everything
has been going wrong
for me.
what did i do to deserve this?
where is your god,
if not pushing down on my back?
is it me that needs to change,
or my scenery?
i feel like this rut is consuming me.
i continue to reach, searching for a hand.
please, someone, give me a hand.

this beautiful life i've spoke of
has begun to fade.
the glow is dimming.
it's becoming
and ugly beast-of-a-thing.
the company i've kept
has turned around.
and i need to be found,
before i am lost.
am i lost?

what did i come here for?
i'm beginning to question my motives,
and my ability to do anything.
this knot in my stomach won't go away.
it's telling me not to hold my breath,
because as soon as i know it can't
get any worse,
it will.
i can feel it in my bones,
this rainy weather.
what did i come here for?
and where do i go from here?





i continue to reach, searching for a hand.
please, someone, give me a hand.

we are not the same.

the fox.

your eyes lured me to this corner.
the thought of your voice
brought me here.
the smell of you,
mixed with the
smoke and mirrors,
called my name.
but you aren't here.
you've left me
in this corner alone.
why can't i hate you for that?
it's never been a difficulty before,
and i can't begin to
fathom
why it's so hard for me now.
it must be those cheekbones,
placed perfectly on your face.
or maybe your smile,
laid out perfectly behind your lips.
perhaps it is the exact
temperature of your fingertips.
i've forgotten,
but i'd give all my world
if i could just know again.
i've lost you once before,
in this forest of rhythm,
but i'd give all my world
if i could find you once more.
speak to me the words
you once spoke.
tell me where you've gone.
i stand in this corner,
surrounded by faces
of the unknown,
but i'm alone.
lost out at sea,
my head all over the place.
what magic did you put
inside that glass?
i feel regret creeping
up behind me,
oh so slowly.
i feel the cool wind
on the back of my neck,
then crawling down my
spine like a staircase.
a swift kiss to each of my bones.
what i would do to leave
this corner
you put me in.
this box.
tell me where you are,
and tell me who you're with.
take my hand and tell me anything.
you must forgive me,
for the lack of aces up my sleeve.
you never worried before,
but now that's all you look for.

i can't say that i didn't try.
do me a favor,
and don't reply.

we are not the same.

an angel away.

i never said it.
no, i never spoke.
i didn't come here
with high hopes
of losing myself
in the masses.
i didn't come here
wishing that you would
watch me as i walk by,
i see you watch,
or to have you take
another road
and avoid me altogether.
i didn't come here
to be you,
and i didn't make it
this far
by doing so.

when they pull out the guns,
they're aimed at me.
when the sharks speak,
they speak my name.
when i wake up tomorrow,
i'll open my own eyes.


i wish that a great
could have calculated
the difficulty of taking a
life
and turning it in
to so much more than that.
where are your mathematics
and your sciences?
i want to live for myself
and for an entire generation.
to rise above myself
and learn to see over
my obstacles.

i do not wish to fly,
but i collect these wings.
i do not wish to hurt,
but i am destruction.


when i get back to earth,
i'll be sure to warn them.
tell them to steer clear of texas.
i'll tell them the names
of the ones i loved.
i'll tell them what i've
come to do.
i'll be clear,
when i get back to earth.

if a war were ever to be fought,
it is now.
put on your armor.
get your guns.

we are not the same.

letters.

i want to be clear.
if you were ever
to see into my galaxy,
this is the chance.
it took me a while to
put these words together,
but they will never be
enough.

my name is josh.
i don't eat meat,
by choice.
i'm deficient.
all i ask out of life
is a chance to conquer.
i have a few things to say
to people,
by choice.

to adpi (& wannabe's),
i love you with
everything
i have.
no single person has ever
been there for me as much
as you guys have.
i would give anything
to join your ranks,
but i'm happy i get to
bask in the glow.

to charles,
you are the best.
i never could have
guessed how good you
would have been to me.
you give the greatest advice,
and you judge me when it's necessary.
i look forward to seeing you every day.
thank god for next semester.

to my mother,
i love you.
i never say it enough,
and i apologize.
you are so good at what you do,
and i'm glad i see that now.
i know that whatever problem i have
you'll be there to tell me
it's okay.
please, don't give up on me.
i'll make it one day,
i swear.

to eve & andrew,
i never meant to know you.
i'm happy i do, or did.
if you were inanimate objects,
you would be jetpacks,
propelling me forward.
i can never thank you enough
for the words you spoke.
sorry for ever saying the wrong thing.

and last, but not least.
to charlyemarie,
i love you, bestfriend.
i had you first,
and i intend to have you forever.
what more can be said?


we are not the same.